I probably wasn’t ready for college in the first place: I went to college immediately after finishing high school because I thought that was what I was “supposed” to do. If I had it to do over again, I believe that my experience would have been enhanced if I had more time in solid recovery before starting. Dr. Lauren Mulheim and Columbus Park treatment center both have fantastic lists of things young adults with eating disorders should be able to do before going away to school, and I would encourage anyone who is preparing for college to work their way through them. These things WILL be challenging. But, they are all daily challenges you’ll face on a college campus. If you are unable or unwilling to try these things, I lovingly ask you to consider how you will cope when you face them at school. It’s OK if you aren’t ready to go away to school right after high school. Your long-term recovery is worth that. I promise.

Those who have attended the ANAD support groups I lead have almost certainly heard me say that recovery is advocacy. Rather than the public advocacy you might be thinking of, though, advocating for your recovery means drawing boundaries with your eating disorder, making lunch plans with friends even though no one would notice if you didn’t, waking up and eating breakfast even after a long night out, skipping the gym just to prove to yourself that you can, and making the sometimes challenging, often boring choices that promote your ongoing recovery.

The eating disorder will slip in wherever it can get a foothold: In early recovery, like when I was first going away to university, my ED would grasp onto whatever little thing it could. In the chaotic, sleep-deprived, mostly-unplanned life of a college student, there are lots of opportunities for the ED to settle in. Practice being ruthlessly honest with yourself about where and how the ED is showing up, and don’t allow it to settle in. When you notice a pattern or thought that is becoming prominent, immediately challenge it. And then challenge it again and again just to cover your bases. Value your education and relationships enough to evict the eating disorder every time it appears – especially when it feels like it’s not a big deal or that it will be OK “just this once.”

I didn’t end up going back to my original university. I loved it there, but the time I spent out of school allowed me to connect with my long-term goals and consider how to best reach them. For me, that meant enrolling in a university closer to home. Because of that decision, I ended up making some of the greatest people I’ll ever know, finding a job that was incredibly meaningful to me, and being able to expand my worldview even more. Just because things aren’t going the way you planned for them to go does not mean that they’re going wrong.

Most people don’t finish college in 4 years (or even finish at all). The idea that you have to leave for college the summer after high school, earn your degree, and start your first adult job when you’re barely old enough to drink is completely arbitrary. Take your time and avoid creating more deadlines for yourself. No employer has ever asked me where I was during the time I spent away from school.

I was terrified of what people who say or think about me taking time off school. Ultimately, they didn’t care. My friends missed me and people occasionally asked where I was, but they all had their own lives to deal with. Even people who don’t know much about eating disorders tend to know that recovery is a process that sometimes requires more than one try to “stick.”