Some of my clients talk about the pressure they sometimes feel from others to eat. This article focuses on the pressure to order more food when eating out, but pressure to eat happens in many circumstances.
Parents often pressure children to eat, so perhaps we carry that “obligatory” eating into adulthood. This pressure to eat might come from our family members, friends, co-workers, and even the wait staff when we’re eating out.
It seems particularly problematic during the holidays when people make special or traditional foods for celebrations and gifts.
Some people refer to people who do this as “food pushers” but I don’t like that term. It labels others in a negative way, without considering their intention for offering food, such as showing love. More important, it blames them for the problem, when in fact, no matter why people pressure you to eat, you are in charge of whether you do or not!
I remind my clients that mindful eating is all about making decisions from the inside-out, not the outside in!
Pressure to eat when eating out
My husband and I went out to dinner to celebrate a special occasion with a gift card for one of our favorite steakhouses.
We were served delicious hot bread with two kinds of flavored butters, prompting our little game of “guess the ingredients.”
We had fun ordering wine from their extensive menu on an iPad. Our waitress then asked if we wanted to order appetizers and seemed a little disappointed when we said, “No thanks, this great bread will do.” I wondered if she thought we were “cheap.”
We were both in the mood for steak, their specialty. We noticed a new section on the menu called “Small Plates.” The sliced Filet Mignon with Mushroom Risotto sounded perfect for me. They also had a “Lite Filet” and their regular Filet Mignon. When we asked about the portion sizes of these items, she explained that the small plate was an appetizer portion of 4 ounces of steak; the lite filet was 6 ounces and served with a half portion of their famous potatoes; the regular filet was 8 ounces but the sides needed to be ordered separately and each served two. I ordered the small plate and my husband ordered the Lite Filet.
We declined her offer to order additional sides but I felt like I needed to explain, “We are saving room to share a Molten Lava Cake for dessert.” (We call that co-ordering and co-eating!)
The meal was amazing from beginning to end (and yes, we did order the lava cake to share!). When I finished I felt comfortably full and completely content. Strangely, I still felt a bit self-conscious that we hadn’t ordered everything “from soup to nuts” as they say.
I commented to the waitress that it was hard to believe that anyone could eat bread, appetizers, a full-sized steak, side dishes, and their own dessert (plus wine) and not feel miserable when they were done. She said, “I know! I don’t understand it either, but people do it all the time!”
I then realized all her prompting was just part of her training and a great way to boost the bill for a bigger tip. It had nothing to do with how much I needed to eat, or even how much she thought I should!
This was another great example of why making decisions about eating from the “inside-out” works so much better than “outside-in”!
This article has been updated from a previously published version.
Enjoyed this article? Here are three more that you might find helpful:
In Charge or In Control: Which Are You?
Three Ways to Handle Triggers for Holiday Overeating
