Hey friends!
Gosh, I am so grateful for you! Thank you for all the kind comments on my last post, reminding me of my worth and purpose right now, as I’m growing my child in my belly!!
You all never cease to amaze me with your insight and wisdom!
So – the biggest news this week is…….
WE’RE FINDING OUT THE GENDER ON THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!
We are beyond excited! We’re going to do a little gender reveal with my family and Steven’s family afterwards, and gosh — it’s going to be such a surreal day!
At that appointment, I’m also going to find out about my placenta. Because at the 12 week ultrasound they told me that I have an anterior placenta — meaning the the placenta forms on the opposite side than normal: aka the front side of your uterus, instead of side closest to your spine.
If all goes as planned, this will not have any negative impact on my pregnancy. However, if since the 12 week ultrasound my placenta has grown downwards and is covering my cervix, that means it has become a placenta previa – which is a dangerous condition for both baby and mother. And means that you have to be on bedrest and get a cesarian section.
So I’m praying that I don’t have that.
Anyway — we’re officially into the second week of Lent, and yesterday’s Gospel –the story of God asking Abraham to offer his son, Isaac as a sacrifice to God — caused quite the discussion among my husband and I.
Maybe because we’re expecting a child of our own, but it just struck us as a really horrific story in the Bible: God asking Abraham to kill his kid.
Yikes.
I mean, we’re heard this story a zillion times over, but for whatever reason, only now — only being married with a baby in my belly — did the severity and frankly: the darkness of this story really hit.
And of course, being a cradle Catholic, I knew the textbook answer: “God was testing Abraham,” and “it’s a preview of God’s beloved son, Jesus dying on the Cross” – but that just wasn’t good enough for either Steven or I.
So we went to the actual de facto authority of the Church: Fr. Mike Schmitz and his Bible in a Year podcast. And during dinner, we played the episode that covered this Bible story.
And sure enough, we were not disappointed.
Fr. Mike shed some light on an often misinterpreted fact: Isaac was not some seven year old child.
Isaac was a man. With Abraham being well over 100 years old, Isaac was probably in his thirties: just like Jesus, who was 33 when He gave His life.
But Isaac was old enough and strong enough to not only carry the wood all the way to the offering site, but also strong enough to overpower Abraham if he wanted to.
And what is more: is that Isaac was also old enough to fully commit to offering himself as a sacrifice to God.
So instead of simply looking at this story through the lens of Abraham, ready to kill his son…we should also look at it as the teamwork of Abraham and Isaac, and his willingness to offer his life in obedience to God.
So when you think about that, it really sheds some new light on the story. That Isaac was part of this whole ordeal: he was a ready, willing and obedient participant.
And it reminds us that we need to be willing to surrender everything to God.
The last thing is this: Abraham knew that God wasn’t going to make him go through with the sacrifice. Just like God spared Abraham’s other son, Ishmael, from the same fate, Abraham knew that God wanted only good things for him.
But he had to be willing to surrender everything.
This is a lesson that has been a theme in my life numerous times.
During my anorexia: the only way I found healing was to totally and completely surrender the control of my body, of my thinking, of my fears and autonomy. I had to relinquish control of my eating disorder, and that was incredibly difficult to do.
But at inpatient, I had to let go and give Him the reins, knowing that God would not let me fall. He had a good, and beautiful plan for me — one that did not involve anorexia. And so even though I wanted to maintain that control over my body — and the false god that it had become in my life, I had to completely surrender it.
And sure enough, His hands were there to carry me to health, to recovery, to new life, to forgiveness and to peace. And I can truly say, that without Him, I would still be in that dark place. I would have no recovery without Him.
It taught me to totally and completely — recklessly so — put my faith in God.
And still, to this day, that is how I operate my life. Perhaps a little too much, but I just know that in literally all areas of life God is going to provide. God is going to make what is supposed to happen, happen.
He has never failed me:
Find an incredible spouse who is a man of God? Check.
Find a route back to Ohio that is good, healthy, and beneficial for both me and my spouse: Check.
Overcome the overwhelming odds post-anorexia and conceive a child: Check. ((I will just remind you — to show the power of God — that I didn’t menstruate until I was 29.))
God is working, and I am just throwing my hands in the air and letting Him.
So though, yes, I have some fears and trepidations about this whole placenta thing: I know that God is in control. I know that He is carrying me through this pregnancy, and my job is to just let Him do what He does best: take care of His children.
I have learned over and over again that God will never abandon us, and only wants good, good things for His children.
And even if something from the outside doesn’t seem like it’s a good thing…God will make it so that something good does come from it.
So anyway. There you go. That’s all for tonight.
I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your evening, and I will talk to you on Wednesday…and then THURSDAY, when we find out the big news!!
** And just a housekeeping thing — on Thursday — logistically: we’re going to be doing our gender reveal with our families at 7pm. SO that is when we will be finding out for the first time…THEREFORE…I’m going to just make the call now that the news will be in a special edition FRIDAY POST. It will be a video. So be on the look out for that! ? **