I believe dieting is a violent act. I don’t feel neutral, or calm, or indifferent about dieting. I feel quite clearly that dieting is a violent act that (predominantly) women are encouraged to perform against themselves. I find diets to be physically violent, often leading to exhaustive cycles of weight loss and gain and sometimes insufficient calories (i.e. energy) and nutrition. I find diets to be psychologically violent, often leading to mental obsession, increased stressed, shame, disempowerment, disembodiment, and a general sense of failure when the diet inevitably results not in weight loss, but weight gain. I find diets spiritually violent, often severing the most sacred of ties between ourselves and the wisdom of our body. I can think of few things as holy as the…
body/self image
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Savor & The Non-Toothache
One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I often default to a state of vigilance…or rather my nervous system defaults to vigilance. Whether through nature, nurture, or trauma my orientation toward my world can be perpetually scanning the horizon (however far off and however out of my control) for incoming threats, or worse, impending doom. This sounds more ominous than I actually experience it, but I’ve learned that my mind and body like to grip tight in fear and cycle over all the ways that I could prevent or avoid whatever thing in life could go going. It was surprising to me to discover, years ago, that not everyone is like this. Some people don’t fret that much about the future. Some people default to…
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2015 Holiday Gift Guide
Putting together this year’s gift guide was challenging. Like many people I feel a mix of emotions about the problems in the world and the position of privilege I hold. I bristle as conspicuous consumption but also believe in supporting businesses and the power of material objects to bring great joy and support to our lives. At first I wasn’t going to do a gift guide at all. I just wanted to shout “Go help a Syrian refugee! Find a homeless woman and give her a box of tampons! Get involved in politics! Don’t be apathetic! Your vote and dollars count!” and on and on. But you don’t need me to shout at you. None of us need to be shouted …
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My Favorite Posts from 2015
Many bloggers I know are highly strategic. They employ all the fanciest SEO (that’s Search Engine Optimization) tricks so their work comes up higher in your google query results. They extensively track trends and clicks and shares and tweets. They have their finger on the pulse of their reader and know just how to attract an ever-growing group of fans. I’m just not one of those bloggers, at least not yet, though I admire their savviness. I simply write when I feel inspired to write. I write what feels important, useful, and inspiring (to me) to share. I write because I want you to know you’re not alone and I want to remember the bits of wisdom I’ve collected along my way…
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A Useful and Incomplete List of Bright Lights
If you want to wake up, changing the media you consume is a powerful step. The more we surround ourselves with true and sane messages, the easier it is to see clearly and live accordingly. The more we surround ourselves with like-minded, compassionate-hearted, fierce-spirited people, the easier it is to have courage to go against the (delusional) tide and the easier it is to know that we’re not alone. As I work away on the physical workbook for the next circle of Feast women I’m including a list of people in the body-positive, intuitive eating, and meditation worlds. I focus on these three areas because they are essential to the Feast journey, but I could just as easily share my favorite…
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The Hunger for Rest
There’s a vicious cycle I’m witnessing amongst my Feast students. They’re tired, as in sleepy tired, and they respond to their fatigue, generally, in one of two ways. Some push through, live their lives from this depleted life, and feed their hunger for rest with food. Others do nap, when they can, and then wake wracked with guilt. Their thoughts flood in: “You’re so lazy.” “You’ve gotten nothing done this afternoon.” “Your husband/wife only needs 6 hours of sleep, what’s wrong with you?!” And the shame spiral begins. And to put a damper on the cacophony of mean voices within they eat. So I’m asking: When did it become a badge of honor to run on very little sleep? When did the…
body/self image
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Perfection Coins
For the past few years I’ve been unraveling my motherhood knot—the jumble of questions, fears, desires, and beliefs I have about having a child. As you can imagine (or perhaps relate) this tangle has many layers but one in particular, while perhaps obvious, surprised me. Perfectionism. Or, as I’ve come to think of it: Perfection Coins. Perfection Coins are what we amass the more in control and ‘perfect’ our life is. If our life somehow reflects a greater percentage of our personal preferences, with minimal compromise or vulnerability we are very rich in Perfection Coins. When we want something that requires risk, or change, or giving up control we have to trade in our Perfection Coins. And why would anyone trade them in? Because the payoff is…
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Participation Optional
Even though we live in a relatively free world and women’s independence is increasingly celebrated, too often we still go along with the crowd at times when it doesn’t serve us and, more importantly, when we don’t have to. Participation is optional. Today I invite you to opt out. Opt out of being weighed at the doctor’s office. Did you know it’s optional? You can simply say “I pass” and if they pressure you, and you don’t feel you have a choice, you can step on the scale backwards and say “I don’t want to know the number, it’s not useful to me.” Opt out of allowing your child to have their BMI measured at school. Seriously. Let’s stop this early weight stigmatization and use of…
body/self image
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The Protagonist
You are not the bad guy in the story of your life. If you read a novel and the main character made all the same, moment by moment, choices that you have, in the context of a life identical to yours, the result, I’m sure, would be compassion and empathy for that character—not judgement. At every turn of your life from the day you were born you have first acted to keep yourself safe and soothed. This is primal. This makes sense. You make sense. We don’t always have access to resources within ourselves that might steer us toward less harmful actions. Sometimes our actions hurt ourselves or others. And still this doesn’t make us the bad guy. If you are carrying around a thousand pound boulder…
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Career Hungers Conversation and Q&A
We spend a huge percentage of our lives working and that time can either leave us feeling full or hungry. I know both sides of that coin very well. I have had the brain-numbing, the soul-sucking, and the toxic jobs. Lots of them. But my work today is not painful or depleting. It’s rewarding and gentle. This kind of work—the kind that has deep purpose and is sustainable—is what everyone deserves. As a life coach I work with women on the full range of life hungers: food, intimacy, spirituality, creativity, and yes, meaningful work. The truth is, more often than not though, I send those with career hungers to Laura Simms. She’s my career coach guru. When my students are really ready to…