For the past few years I’ve been unraveling my motherhood knot—the jumble of questions, fears, desires, and beliefs I have about having a child. As you can imagine (or perhaps relate) this tangle has many layers but one in particular, while perhaps obvious, surprised me. Perfectionism. Or, as I’ve come to think of it: Perfection Coins. Perfection Coins are what we amass the more in control and ‘perfect’ our life is. If our life somehow reflects a greater percentage of our personal preferences, with minimal compromise or vulnerability we are very rich in Perfection Coins. When we want something that requires risk, or change, or giving up control we have to trade in our Perfection Coins. And why would anyone trade them in? Because the payoff is…
body/self image
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Participation Optional
Even though we live in a relatively free world and women’s independence is increasingly celebrated, too often we still go along with the crowd at times when it doesn’t serve us and, more importantly, when we don’t have to. Participation is optional. Today I invite you to opt out. Opt out of being weighed at the doctor’s office. Did you know it’s optional? You can simply say “I pass” and if they pressure you, and you don’t feel you have a choice, you can step on the scale backwards and say “I don’t want to know the number, it’s not useful to me.” Opt out of allowing your child to have their BMI measured at school. Seriously. Let’s stop this early weight stigmatization and use of…
body/self image
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The Protagonist
You are not the bad guy in the story of your life. If you read a novel and the main character made all the same, moment by moment, choices that you have, in the context of a life identical to yours, the result, I’m sure, would be compassion and empathy for that character—not judgement. At every turn of your life from the day you were born you have first acted to keep yourself safe and soothed. This is primal. This makes sense. You make sense. We don’t always have access to resources within ourselves that might steer us toward less harmful actions. Sometimes our actions hurt ourselves or others. And still this doesn’t make us the bad guy. If you are carrying around a thousand pound boulder…
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Career Hungers Conversation and Q&A
We spend a huge percentage of our lives working and that time can either leave us feeling full or hungry. I know both sides of that coin very well. I have had the brain-numbing, the soul-sucking, and the toxic jobs. Lots of them. But my work today is not painful or depleting. It’s rewarding and gentle. This kind of work—the kind that has deep purpose and is sustainable—is what everyone deserves. As a life coach I work with women on the full range of life hungers: food, intimacy, spirituality, creativity, and yes, meaningful work. The truth is, more often than not though, I send those with career hungers to Laura Simms. She’s my career coach guru. When my students are really ready to…
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The HAES® For The Holidays Ecourse Is Back For Spring!
Easter and Passover are almost here. Did you ever notice that the holidays can bring up a lot of . . . stuff? Being with family can mean being scrutinized about your weight, your food choices, and even bigger life choices. Whether you come from a family of constant dieters or one where cleaning your plate is the best way to show love, navigating your way through the holiday season can feel more pressured and stressful than anything else. Wouldn’t it be fabulous to have more fun this holiday? Wouldn’t it be lovely to have the tools you need so that you can have a really joyous holiday? If so, I think you should check out my new, super-affordable e-course, HAES® For The Holidays! I’ve …
body/self image
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Ragen Chastain & MORE Cabaret on PBS!
So excited to see Ragen Chastain, et. al. talking about her experience on PBS. Share and like! (And give it a thumbs up on youtube!) Get great body love tips and more when you subscribe: Name: Email: Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here. Ragen Chastain & MORE Cabaret on PBS! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness (https://www.bodylovewellness.com) on March 20, 2014.
body/self image
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Monica & Me: Fat Girls Of The ’90’s
I always liked Monica Lewinsky. Back in 1998, I was 20 years old, just a few years younger than she was at the time. Superficially, I looked a little like her — the plus-sized body (though she was probably smaller than me), the round face, the modified “Friends” haircut. People literally would yell out “Hey, Monica!” to me on my way to class at NYU. She lived just a few blocks away from my dorm at the time. A lot of people were in love with Bill Clinton then (me included). The 1992 election had been particularly exciting. After 12 years of Republicans, two relative cute, young-ish, progressive guys had taken over and they seemed to actually care about the economy and whether people had jobs …
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Just A Little Soap Can Go A Long Way
I get, literally, about ten email pitches a day. Most of them go directly to the trash folder (and, to be honest, my spam folder), but the email I got from Erin Zaikis made me want to reach out. Erin is the founder of a social enterprise and soap company, Sundara (www.livesundara.com). Her soaps are made here in NYC, and proceeds from their sales are being used to fund hygiene and water projects for children in underserved areas around the world. Sundara is currently operating projects in Haiti, India and Ghana – in schools, slums and community centers alike. Children in Haiti at a Sundara handwashing classWhy soap? Because getting kids access to soap and teaching them how to wash their hands actually has a …
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I Only Need Birth Control Because . . . I’m Only Fat Because . . . And The Politics Of Appeasement
A fun (but obviously photoshopped) image of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg Following the recent, horrendous Hobby Lobby decision, I’ve been seeing a spate of articles talking about why so many women need birth control not for controlling birth but for medical issues like irregular periods. I find this argument not only irritating but detrimental. I think the argument that birth control is not just birth control but medicine SUCKS as an argument. Why should it matter what anyone uses birth control for? Whether you’re having sex with multiple partners or just want to regulate your period — why is that anyone’s business? Why is that your boss’s business? It’s your body. It’s your choice. That’s all that matters. Let’s …
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Confession: I Still Have Occasional Body Image Issues That Are Exacerbated By Fatshion Blogs
Sometimes I find fatshion blogs to be fun and inspirational. And sometimes, well, not. I often recommend that clients look at more body positive blogs, especially ones with images of fat people. It’s a way to recalibrate your brain so that fatter bodies seem more like what they are – normal. (I’m not a big fan of the idea of normal, but often realizing that your body is normal rather than gross, weird, and abnormal is an important step in your body love journey.) After practicing serious, radical body love for about 7 years now, I rarely see an image that makes me feel bad about my body. But loving your body is often like peeling an onion, and though I’ve peeled away nearly all of the …
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The Chub Rub Solution!
My not-so-secret chub rub solution. Read on for details . . . Here it is, nearly August, and I have yet to write a post about the all-important topic of chub rub and how to avoid it. As silly as it may seem, I think being chub-rub-free has a big impact on your clothing choices. When you’re not worried about your thighs rubbing together, you can pick out clothes that you really feel like wearing. Plus, you can move more comfortably throughout your day! I’ve spent much of the summer testing different chub rub related products here at Body Love Wellness HQ, located in one of the grossest cities to be in in the summer, i.e., NYC. I’ve spent time on 100…
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Are you in? Summer Of Body Love Starts This Monday!
Summer is supposed to be a time of relaxation and fun. Picture summer and you probably think of spending time at the beach or pool, backyard barbecues, and time off from school or work. But when you hate your body, summer can be particularly treacherous. You can no longer cover up your body with lots of layers (at least not comfortably). You may want to spend some time at the beach or the pool, but the thought of actually wearing a swimsuit may fill you with anxiety. If you’re anything like I used to be, you’re probably finding yourself: Struggling to get dressed in the morning Worrying about your weight and what if anything you can do to change it Thinking of ways to cover …