An important part of taking compassionate care of ourselves is to focus on simple pleasures. Which totally depends on you. That is, you get to decide what a simple pleasure looks like. Savoring simple pleasures is especially helpful when there’s a lot going on in our lives—deadlines to meet, hard work to accomplish, errands to run. Making time for simple pleasures helps to prevent burnout. Simple pleasures help us to refocus on the sweet small moments, which helps us to cultivate joy and welcome a boost of energy. It also reminds us that pleasure doesn’t just reside in the big momentous occasions in our lives, such as birthdays and baby showers. We can access pleasure every day, several times a day. Today, I’m…
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A Beautiful Way to View and Process Our Emotions
We tend to look at our “negative” emotions as a nuisance at best or with anger at worst. We judge ourselves for feeling sad or lonely. We judge ourselves for feeling anxious. Often we just want these feelings to go away. Often we pretend they don’t exist in the first place. This is understandable. Maybe we weren’t taught to process our emotions. Maybe we’d simply rather feel good instead of heavy, weighed down and hurt. Again, totally understandable. And that’s hard. Because these feelings don’t dissipate. They don’t go away. In the new book The Self-Acceptance Project: How to Be Kind & Compassionate Toward Yourself in Any Situation, contributor Jeff Foster includes a beautiful passage on grief—one of…
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An Emotional First-Aid Kit for Navigating Life’s Storms
When I used to struggle and go through tough times, I didn’t really know how to handle it. I didn’t know what to do. Because what do you do during a painful situation? Years ago, I’d try to eat it away. I’d berate myself for having certain feelings and get even more upset. I’d withdraw and spend a lot of time on the couch, flipping channels and feeling empty. I’d also feel hopeless and helpless and alone. I’d feel restless and lost and very uncomfortable in my own body. Of course, none of my actions—the TV watching, the criticism, the emotional eating, the isolation—were helpful. So what is helpful? First you feel your feelings. Whatever they are. The…
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What Loving Yourself Can Look Like
There are many misconceptions about self-love. Some people assume that loving yourself is a cop-out or an excuse to do whatever you want—as in miss work just because, or spend money on some big purchase that’s going to set you back (i.e., spending money you don’t have). Some people assume it means not taking responsibility for your actions, or slipping into excess, or obsessive behaviors. Some people assume self-love is a synonym for hedonism. I totally understand why these myths abound. After all, we’re more used to punishing and berating ourselves than we are to leading with self-kindness. It’s hard to comprehend approaching ourselves with love. Because doesn’t that mean we’ll get out of line…
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More Thoughts on Self-Love
I’ve been thinking more about self-love and what it means and looks like for me. Yesterday, I shared some thoughts in this piece. Today, I’m sharing more examples. I hope these inspire you to think through your own definitions and how you can start embracing and loving yourself. Because you can. No matter where you’ve been and no matter what others have said to you, you can. Start small. Start now. Self-love is eating to nourish my body and satisfy my taste buds. It is asking for help when I need it instead of isolating myself. It is taking frequent breaks to rest and reminding myself I’m not a robot. Self-love is accepting myself as I am—the strengths, the…
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What Self-Love Might Look Like for You
I’m ending the week with another piece on self-love. (Here are parts one and two.) Below are additional examples of what loving yourself might look like in your life. I personally love examples, because I’m always curious about real-life applications. I’m always curious what a concept looks like day to day—especially when we’re talking about something as big and abstract and unfamiliar as self-love. Seeing a therapist for your anxiety or depression or something else you’re struggling with. Keeping up with your doctor’s appointments. Being intimate with someone who truly and genuinely cares about you. Getting to know yourself better by journaling; pausing and paying attention to your thoughts and feelings; and taking yourself out on…
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The Joy of Eating
In our diet-obsessed society we’ve been taught to view food as a necessary evil, a nuisance, the thing to blame for the scale not budging, the thing we can’t have. The forbidden fruit. Or we’ve been taught to view food in a more neutral light: as fuel. Strictly as a source of nutrients, vitamins, protein, fiber. Fuel for our bodies to function. Fuel for our brains to create. But nothing more. Over time, this has led to an ingrained tendency toward restriction, deprivation, fear. And guilt. A heaping pile of guilt. We feel guilty for consuming something, anything with sugar. We feel guilty for consuming foods with “empty calories.” We feel guilty for eating bagels and bread and cream cheese and…