“Do you love to eat?” That is the first sentence in the introduction to Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat. The first time I read it, I answered with a resounding, “Yes! I absolutely love to eat, and that is the problem!”
At that point, I had no idea just how much I would learn from the rest of the book about my eating behaviors and my relationship to food and my body. It has been an extraordinary journey of healing.
And now I know that loving to eat is not the problem.
I’ve always loved to eat; I love the world of food. But, I didn’t really act like I loved to eat. By age 15, I had picked up so many conflicting messages about food, eating, and dieting that confusion permeated my thoughts.
I would eat and feel ashamed.
I wouldn’t eat and I’d feel hungry and shaky.
I’d eat the foods on the “good” list from whatever diet or magazine article I’d read and I felt deprived.
I’d “indulge” in the foods on the “bad” list, but I couldn’t give myself permission to enjoy them because they were my enemies and I was supposed to learn to hate them.
I remember that one of the diet books even recommended picturing chocolate cake, or whatever was tempting me, covered in maggots so I wouldn’t want to eat it. Food had to become detestable for me to achieve my goals.
An eye-opening insight I’ve gained during my Am I Hungry? Mindful Eating journey is how deeply in denial I’d forced myself to become. When I overate, I compounded the pain with my disappointment in myself and my self-chastising words. But, that didn’t stop me from overeating.
Instead, I numbed my feelings by pushing away the guilt and trying to block out the words. But now I know that when you numb your feelings, you don’t get to pick and choose. I numbed all of my feelings, so I didn’t experience pleasure either.
Mindful eating is the opposite.
I no longer block the eating experience. I see the food on my plate. I hear any sizzle or crackle it makes. I smell the aroma. I taste it… really taste it. I feel the emotions. I notice what my internal voice is saying. I pay attention to my body. Rather than push away any part of the experience, I welcome it. I stay curious. Is this food delicious? Is it satisfying? Is it nurturing me?
I’ve discovered so much. I now know which foods I really love and which foods love me. I’ve also discovered what it feels like to love food with no remorse, even my favorites that are on a diet “bad” list somewhere.
I’ve learned that no matter what or how much I eat, it will never satisfy the pain of not feeling good enough, thin enough, or beautiful enough. Most importantly, I now know that I’ve always been and always will be good enough, thin enough, and beautiful enough. I now see clearly that each of those “enough” judgments are just perceptions, and that genuine self-love doesn’t have conditions.
I now know what it feels like to feel good about what I eat, feel good after I eat, and feel good, and safe, in the wonderful world of food.
I also know that mindful eating is the most natural path to optimal well-being. Instead of banishing my feelings, it is denial and fear that have been banished.
“Do you love to eat?”
Now I can answer with a resounding, “Yes, I absolutely love to eat. And I’m so grateful to know there is absolutely no problem with that.”
This article has been updated from a previously published version.
Enjoyed this article? Here are three more that you might find helpful:
How to deconstruct overeating.
The power of the pause: Mind, body, heart scan.
End emotional eating by decoding your triggers.
