I had a fascinating conversation with a friend at a party over the weekend about the glaring absence of young people at church these days.
I know — quite a lively and festive topic of conversation at a Saturday night shindig! ?
But hey – I’ll never pass up the opportunity to talk about things that actually matter.
But in this conversation, we realized that, of both of our incredibly wide social circles, we were the only ones who attended church.
And how, at our churches there are simply no young people.
In fact, Steven and I joke that we’re “well known” at our parish because we’re the only ones under the age of 50 or 60. But it’s true — mainly because Steven is so magnetic in everything he does — but he’s got so many “hi’s” and “hello’s” to say after Mass, not just because he’s an active participant, but because people know him there! He’s fresh meat! haha
But it’s really true – aside from the handful of high schoolers that are in attendance with their families, there are hardly any young people.
It’s quite disheartening. Young people are the future of the Church. We are responsible for raising the next generation of Believers. And we’re absent.
I think Covid did a real number on church attendance, not just with the ease and convenience of “online worship.” But because new Sunday morning routines were established without church, and as a result, when churches opened back up, attending church was just not something engrained anymore, and lost its position as a priority.
People found a way to “make due” without it, and sadly, that just kind of stuck.
And it’s really sad to think about what people are missing — especially young people — without that life-giving influence in their life.
I’ll tell you what, attending Mass every Sunday is one of the most beautiful things that Steven and I do together as a couple. Praying together, listening to powerful homilies, singing together, listening to the gorgeous Cathedral choir envelop us with heavenly sound, serving together as Eucharistic ministers…it has brought us together in a way that I can hardly put into words.
Our faith in God, our love for eachother, seeing one another through the eyes of God, giving one another grace and forgiveness modeled after Christ, consuming life-giving messages that we can discuss later and have shape our minds and hearts: these things are vital to our marriage. And honestly, irreplaceable.
I wish nothing more for newly married couples than to establish a habit of attending church together on a regular basis.
But we look around, and there are no young people found to implement this. And it breaks my heart.
Yes — there are pockets. The SEEK conference — by FOCUS Ministries — has a massive conference every year for college students.
Tens of thousands of young people from across the country gather to worship and listen to world class speakers, including Fr. Mike Schmitz.
I was part of this organization in college. And yes – it was awesome. It proves that being active in your faith is so much easier when it’s social, and you have friends and peers around you, walking with you in faith.
But once they leave their college bubble, and go back to the “real world,” they find themselves on an island, in a foreign parish where it’s hard to find young people in attendance.
And slowly, for many, that fire for worship begins to wane, until the busyness of life and the reality of feeling alone at church, snuffs out what was left.
I don’t know what the solution is. And frankly, I don’t think churches do either, because clearly, they haven’t figured it out yet.
Trying to make church “appeal” to young people with hip pastors in the latest Jordans, or with pop-like music and lights shows to be enjoyed while sipping Starbucks from your seat…that clearly isn’t working either: coming across as shallow, disingenuous and dare I say…trying too hard?
But is that better than walking into a church that literally feels like it’s on “life support,” where people look bored as heck and the music feels like it’s straight out of the 80’s, with meaningless lyrics about rivers and streams?
It feels like all the “bells and whistles” of the church going experience honestly distract from what is really the point of worship: Jesus.
That’s what is going to win hearts: a real, life changing relationship with the living God. Not the type of music. Not the flashing lights. Sure those things can add to the experience, but more often than not, they actually distract.
But all of that is tertiary to the real fact of the matter: sadly, young people simply don’t see a need for God in their lives.
In your twenties and thirties, life consists of grinding it out at work, living for the weekend when you can go drink and hang out with your friends. For the world, Sunday mornings are for nursing off a hangover, or going to boozy brunch with friends. It’s sad but it’s true.
I lived that for 12 years in NYC. Thankfully I attended the Catholic church on NYU’s campus, so they had figured that out, and offered a young adult Mass at 6:00pm on Sunday nights that I attended every week, so I could live both lives.
But the fact of the matter is that most young people don’t even think about God, let along going to church.
But there is hope. I look at FOCUS, and what they’re doing on campuses across the country and their approach of a one-on-one evangelization style I think is really powerful.
We’re not going to change the culture by just spewing to the masses. But rather, through one-on-one personal relationships. Inviting a friend to church, starting a book club with friends where you read positive material — hopefully one day transforming into faith-based material. Finding online communities of believers — like I have found in this beautiful community — and feeding off of the strength from others’ faith. Seeking out that “one other” young person at church, and inviting them to dinner, so you both don’t feel so on-an-island at church. Looking for ways to get involved with community outreach/charity/volunteer programs in your area, and finding community of likeminded individuals.
And then just supporting the people around you.
Steven is my biggest support in my faith life. And I’m so inspired when I hear him casually share that we go to church, or invite people to “church and brunch” with us when we’re with others. His courage in that regard is so inspiring, and something that I definitely could take a lesson from.
I don’t know what the answer is. There is so much filth out there fighting for the attention of young people — and all in the palm of their hand on their phone. What you and I can do today is to just live our faith out loud, and to continue to show up and be an example for others of the life-changing power of God.