Having a powerful powerful post-birthday, pre Eclipse week.. .when everything is illuminated and I can see which energies are at play and calling me and I am willing and it all happens and flows fast fast.
And i see the brilliance of the body, the brilliance and blessings of Divine Order and Divine Timing… and I learn every day more to surrender, to soften, to not push against, to not ‘try’ to make it different, trust.
As I’ve mentioned.. I experienced almost total voice loss last summer. And it was a big loss. Professionally I rely on being able to speak with clients daily. And my empathic kind clients who felt
“badly’ for me seeing me struggle to try to get the words out and unable to, having to resort to typing in the chat box on Zoom.
Personally… I was compromised~ not being able to be heard by most people, by not being able to express myself in usual ways, by having to humble myself with strangers who could not hear or understand me and now being ‘impaired’ in public situations.. and unable to make phone calls for pretty much anything. I have felt all sorts of stuff about all of it… at times wanting to tantrum like a toddler who can’t get their words out.
But the big thing is what I have gained from it all.
Which is so tender, so potent, so clearly the hand
of the Divine on me…
Trust your #IntuitiveBody to listen.
We lose some of our bright and shiny,
We lose some of our ‘props’ … the things we rely on to dazzle and to often hide behind (I love my words.. writing, talking, guiding, teaching… i love them).
We lose some of our identity… who am i if i can’t do it this way?
We lose the illusion of being in charge, of having control… because while of course we can influence situations and how we dance with them… something bigger is also at play.
And that ‘bigger’ is more than what we know or how we think it works or ‘should’ work… bigger
is going to look different, bigger is leading us to different…
What if we are meant to be more, feel more, do it differently but we are just so attached to our ways, to our views, to our habits, to our patterns… and of course we ARE. I was, I am.
But I have had a powerful beautiful lesson in letting go, surrendering to pain, to uncertainty, to deep fear, to losing a means to all ends that I had to release.
Which doesn’t mean I did it all that well or perfectly or totally… Because no I surely did not. hahahahaha. Oh hahaha.. no i sure as hell didn’t.
I kicked and screamed plenty! I cried a lot. I tried different things. But I did and I do trust my guidance.
And as always, I am awed by how we find who and what we find… they are on our path and if we know how to follow the breadcrumbs… and that i DO know how to do thank you very much, I am so so good at following those and trusting.
Sometimes it feels like Dorothy’s cast of archetypes and characters in The Wizard of Oz. I have had my own cast and I have loved them and also moved on from them when it was time.
But that is one of the big blessings of my life, I always recognize the next teacher or guide or helper or the one who will trigger me into the next level of becoming.
My life has often felt like a fairy tale.. my love of the archetypal, and seeing thru symbolic sight, has made it all into a story that my heart understands and recognizes.
When i lost my voice, my words, a familiar way of connecting and relating in the world… I found my heart in a deeper way. I came into a space of physical embodiment in a deeper more open way. I felt energy in myself and others and situations, in a truer and softer way.
In this healing process, I was taught not to ‘go into the reflex’…
To keep softening in the pain, to keep surrendering to the pain and discomfort and fear. To make even more space for it. To trust the process and to also trust the man who has been one of my biggest teachers of my lifetime… a bona fide healer who poses as a physical therapist :))
He has uncoiled parts of my neck, throat, diaphragm but also the tension, past traumas, fears,
beliefs viewpoints that were woven into it all.. and it has been profound.
Words.. as always.. don’t do any of the experience justice.
But I have seen at least in part… what some of the tradeoff has been.
And I know it’s not forever.
My voice is healing.. not as fast or as fully as I wish, and yet every week I see other changes, changes that have meant so much to me.
This week I have felt another overwhelming urge to purge more belongings.
I’ve already done a LOT of this in the years since selling my house.. a LOT.
But when it’s time to do it again it becomes a physical need and I can feel it.
And I’ll do it.
Because i Know.. what you release and let go of… you make space for something else to come in. It is both a physical and a symbolic spiritual act.
A small ceremony of trust and willingness to open our tightly grasping hands to allow ourselves to receive what is more current, what is a better fit, what is right for right now.
If you have read this far… bless you for walking thru this moment with me.
Today on the way home from my session w S, I saw a huge eagle soaring overhead.
And I felt great joy, and deep deep gratitude.
So… So Much love, as you walk thru your own moments of release, of loss, of uncertainty, of pain, of fear… trust and let yourself feel it, soften it, embody it, and… as ALWAYS… if you would like to talk about it, to get a new perspective and some guidance, I am here.
xo lisa